Thar Be th' Dao

Yar!  Ye landlubbers.  Grab a stool 'n heed me tale.  A tale of swashbucklin an' mutiny on the high seas!  It happ'nt lo many years hence.  But t'me - it seems t'be only a fortnight previous...

I was cap'n of a frightnin galleon.  She was th' most fearsome ship ever to sail the seven seas. Me 'n me crew plundered 'er from the Spanish armada.  Aye, we swashbuckled 'er in the black 'o night from th' sorriest lot o' sprogs ye ever did see.  Yar.  Me crew christen'd 'er 'The Widow' after findin the galley filled to the sails with frenchy bubbly wine called Voove.  Aye, after sendin that lilly-livered crew of spaniards into Davey Joneses locker we smashed open a hogshead of Voove bottles and swilled 'til me 'n me crew sprouted the reddest grog blossoms ye ever did see.  Arrr!  'Twas a joyous fest.  But after hours a'drinkin, me crew went a'sleep.  Yet, I, the ol' Cap'n - elder als the lot of 'em, was still carousin'.  I sat down on the empty hogshead and she smashed like a wee robin's egg.  Yar!  splinters in the backside.  Arr.  I lept to me feet and started de-splinterin, when I spied a scrap o' parchment on the deck.  'Twas a map.  A treasure map!  And lo, the treasure was buried near the Dao - miles inland in the north of Portugal.  I hid the treasure map in me pantaloons.  Avast! The Dao booty would be mine, an' mine alone.

At Dawn I shook me crew awake.  The lot of 'em were still loaded to the gunwalls with th' bubblin grog.  "Awake!  Ye lot of scallywags." I shouted.  "We sail to the Dao."  "Now smartly there drunken swabs." 

Finally the crew turned our prow towards the mouth of the Mondego - the river leadin' to the Dao. We would take the galleon as far as she'd float, then, I planned to take our small rowin' cog further up the river with four of the weakest scurvy dogs from me crew. Ar har har. Once near the booty, I would run me blade through the lot of 'em, hide the treasure in the cog and return to the galleon - a'shoutin that Portuguese privateers be after us. None o' the crew would be wise to seek the treasure in the cog. At our next port stop I would take the cog me-self to a merchant and trade the booty for a large lassie's dress-full o' doubloons! 'Twas the most clever run of a rig ever devised. I'd be rich and swimmin in silver. Arr.

Alas as we neared land, a swabby shouted, "Sail ho!" We were being put upon by a Spanish squadron sportin six pounders, blazin lead in our direction. "Smartly there men" I shouted. "Full sail up the Mondego!" "But cap'n" Said they "that squadron will surely sink us." I proceeded to tell the crew that they were the yellowest lot of scallywags I had ever had the mmisfortune of sailin' with. Cannonballs began to smash the deck. "We run up the white flag!" Exclaimed one conniving son of a biscuit eater. "Never!" Yelled I. Then, me crew did the durndest thing. Ten of 'em grabbed me coattails. "Avast!" Hollered I. "I'm yer cap'n!" Without so much as a pause, those square-rigged, squiffy sea ferrets tossed me into the drink. Yar.

I swum like a great fish towards land while me mutinous crew 'n me dear galleon, 'The Widow,' were scuttled to the sea floor like a locker full o'anchors. Served 'em right - those mutinous, cacklin hens! Yar. Arr.

It took me weeks to find me landlegs and trek along the Mondego, cross the great granite hills and finally, to the 'X' on me treasure map. Alas, I found neither gold, nor silver, nor jewels. The great X brought me to one of the Dao's finest wine Quintas. Yo ho! The great X brought me jug-fulls of red wine. But shiver me timbers! This wine is a fine grog! I'll be sippin this grape booty fer me remainin days. Aye, I'm now a well-mannered matey that loves his Portuguese red wine! Yo-ho-ho 'n Cheers!

Talk Like a Pirate Day & Wine Lent (Yar!  Don't be drinkin' those thar commoner wines, ye liy-livered landlubbers!) brought to you by:

Quinta dos Roques Garrafeira 2000 ($35)
Imported by Wineworth and available at The Spanish Table (Seattle, Berkeley, Santa Fe). A 'dusty' red wine made from Touriga Nacional, Alfrocheiro, Tinta Roriz and Jaen. This wine offers tart cherry flavors, smoke, cedar and herbs. It's quite unique and perfect for me mateys searchin fer a-vastly different wine. Yarr.
Learn more about Dao wines here (Wine Anorak)
Talk like a pirate! (Arr! a pirate glossary)

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